Storms of Life
As I reflected on the readings for the Twelfth Sunday in Ordinary Time [Job 38:1, 8 – 11; 2 Corinthians 5:14 – 17 & Mark 4:35 – 41], I was caught up in a maze of reliving the storms of my life.
There have been many storms in my 80 + years. I was never accustomed to looking for the presence of the Divine in the stormy times. My tendency was to meditate in a manor where I could seek that “small still voice” of the Divine that Sacred Scripture talks about. This Sunday’s readings all paint a picture for me of living through stormy times. As I read them, I asked myself; “can I hear God’s voice in the storms?”
I will mention a few of my stormy times as a way of making this reflection real. In all of them, God’s presence was revealed over time.
My first memory was in first grade. I was blamed for something I did not do. Because of that, I was put in front of the class on a stool and had to wear a dunce cap. I wanted to sink into the floor. As a result of that experience, I became very introverted.
The second memory was in high school. I was walking with a classmate on one of the paths between buildings discussing our science projects. Out of nowhere, a group of fellow classmates began to pelt us with rocks. I quickly pushed my friend into the press box that was nearby and ran for help. By the time I reached a safe place, I had been hit numerous times, and blood was pouring down my face and also from my shoulder. At the time I did not understand why we were targeted, but this experience pushed me further into my shell.
I had another troubling experience in my mid-sixties. I had lost a big chunk of my invested savings in the 2000 and 2008 stock market downturns. Then in 2008, I was downsized out of my job. My wife and I went into panic mode, not sure how we could live our retirement years. Fear engulfed me.
Several years later, I journeyed with my wife and cared for her in her battle with cancer. I had never felt so helpless in providing what she needed. She went home to be with the Lord on Mother’s Day 2012. My grief was overwhelming as I loved her very much. I had known her since fifth grade in grammar school. I could not envision where life would lead me.
The last memory that I will mention is the selling of my house. Carolyn and I had built it in 1969 – 1970. It was our home; where we raised three children and had provided space for others. I needed to spend roughly $250,000 to sell it for only $350,000. I did not have enough money left to buy a small house or even rent an apartment. In its wake, I became homeless for a short time. I was afraid and felt helpless. There were many other experiences; but these seemed most relevant for my reflection.
How did I make it through these storms? In what ways did God show up?
In the examples that I mentioned, God provided not only a calm, peaceful gift to me but a deeper learning of the ways of the Divine. The manifestation of the Divine presence being with me happened despite the dark clouds I saw surrounding me.
From my experience in first grade, God taught me compassion for the marginalized. Through my being stoned with rocks in high school, God taught me the freedom of forgiveness and once again compassion for the marginalized. I realized later in life that I was judged as if I was a gay person. I am now able to journey with several gay directees because I had that experience.
As for the loss of most of my financial assets, God taught me to trust Divine provision. I am still working at my age. God has provided me with a skill set that keeps me earing an income.
The lessons I learned from journeying with my wife in her struggles with cancer and her passing have taught me the value of community. The morning that Carolyn passed, I felt the need to go to church and be with my community. The caring I received from them was very healing. It gave me a vision of the God who dwells in community.
After the struggle with selling my house, my community again helped me, providing me with a temporary place to stay until I found something more permanent. Eventually my daughter reorganized her home and arranged a bedroom for me. This is where I now live.
I am reasonably sure that all of you have experienced many storms as well.
Yet; like Job and the disciples, can we see God at work through the clouds and the fears of the storms in our lives?